I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
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Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
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Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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