Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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