just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
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I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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