took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
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I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
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Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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