I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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