oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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