I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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