I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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