you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize