I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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