you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize