They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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