Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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