There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
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this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
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Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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