you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
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I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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