By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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