Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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