you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
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He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
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Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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