i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize