I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
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After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Success! We fucked roommates!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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