Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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