i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
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After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
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Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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