we're chasing vodka with high fives
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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