shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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