so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
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She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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