sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
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When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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