omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I can't turn off my feet"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i think my cat just said my name.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize