I'm pants shitting drunk right now
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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