i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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