Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize