I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We are two peas in an std pod
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize