Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So much rum. So many feels.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize