I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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