I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize