I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize