She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
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I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
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I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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