She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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