i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
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Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
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You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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