I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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