I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
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Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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