You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize