Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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