I just saw a hot homeless man
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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