god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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