I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
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I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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