What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize