census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize