actually, I'm a sock model
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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