1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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