remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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